The Hunger Games: Israeli Utilities Edition

So you're moving into a new apartment in Israel? Mazal tov! You've just signed up for the most elaborate reality TV show never filmed: "Will They Actually Show Up?" Get ready for a wild ride through Kafka's lesser-known work, "The Metamorphosis of Your Patience Into Rage."

What You'll Need (AKA Your Survival Kit)

Before you enter the arena, gather these precious items:

ï           **Teudat Zehut or passport **(your ticket to every conversation that starts with "Lo efshar" - "it's impossible")

ï           **Rental contract **(preferably not written on a napkin, though we've all been there)

ï           **Previous tenant's details **(good luck getting these - they fled the country for a reason)

ï           **Bank account **(so companies can take your money automatically while you cry)

ï           **A therapist's phone number **(for after)

ï           **Coffee **(lots of it)

ï           **The patience of a saint **(not included, sold separately, currently out of stock) Pro tip: Print everything three times. Israeli bureaucracy runs on sacrificial paperwork.

The Main Bosses You Must Defeat

Level 1: Electricity (Chashmal - חשמל)

**The Boss: **The Israel Electric Corporation, or increasingly, some company you've never heard of that now controls electricity in your specific 2-block radius.

The Quest:

1.        Call them (wait time: 45 minutes of the same 8 seconds of hold music)
2.        Explain you exist and would like to not live in darkness
3.        Schedule a meter reading (they'll give you a 6-hour window because apparently precise scheduling was invented after the electricity company)
4.        Pray the previous tenant actually closed their account (spoiler: they didn't)

**Loot: **A bill for ₪200-500 monthly, or ₪800 if you dare to use the AC in summer. Which you will. Because it's 40 degrees and you're not a hero.

**Achievement Unlocked: **"Is the AC on? I can't tell if it's 28 degrees in here or 29."

**Boss Move: **They'll claim the previous tenant owes money and somehow that's your problem now. It makes no sense. Welcome to Israel.

Level 2: Water (Mayim - מים)

**The Boss: **Your municipality's water department, which operates on a schedule known only to them and possibly one person who retired in 1987.

The Quest:

1.        Find their office (it's only open Tuesday-Thursday, 9 AM - 12 PM, except on holidays, which is every other week)
2.        Wait in line behind someone arguing about a bill from 2003
3.        Submit your paperwork
4.        They'll tell you to go to the vaad habayit
5.        The vaad habayit will send you back to them
6.        Repeat until you accept this is your life now

**Loot: **A bill for ₪50-200 every two months, delivered whenever the water company remembers you exist.

Achievement Unlocked: **"I Pay for Water and Still Have No Pressure on the Top Floor." **Boss Move: **The bill arrives in Hebrew, covers the last two months, and is due yesterday. **Level 3: Arnona (Municipal Tax - ארנונה)

The Final Boss of Move-In Quests

**What it is: **A tax you pay to your city for the privilege of living there. Yes, even though you also pay income tax. No, it doesn't make sense. Stop asking questions.

The Quest:

1.        Locate your city's arnona office (hint: it's the building that looks like it was last renovated during the British Mandate)
2.        Take a number (you're currently number 47, they're serving number 12)
3.        Bring your rental contract, ID, proof of address, blood sample, and a letter from your kindergarten teacher
4.        Fill out forms in triplicate
5.        Discover the landlord was supposed to do this but surprise! Now it's your problem

**Loot: **A bill for ₪300-800+ monthly, depending on whether you live in Tel Aviv (where they charge you per breath) or somewhere reasonable.

**Achievement Unlocked: **"I Paid Arnona On Time and All I Got Was This Sense of Fleeting Accomplishment."

**Boss Move: **Late fees multiply like rabbits. Miss one payment and suddenly you owe your firstborn child.

**Pro Gamer Move: **Some arnona offices now have online appointments! It only took them until 2024 to discover the internet!

Level 4: Internet, TV, and Phone (The Triple Threat)

**The Boss: **Bezeq, Hot, Partner, Cellcom - choose your fighter! They're all equally determined to lock you into a contract longer than some marriages.

The Quest:

1.        Call a provider (they'll answer in 2 minutes because they WANT your money)
2.        Resist the sales pitch for bundles you don't need ("But sir, don't you want 500 TV channels you'll never watch?")

3.        Schedule installation (they'll say "between 8 AM and 6 PM" like you don't have a job)
4.        Take a day off work
5.        They don't show up
6.        Reschedule
7.        They show up 3 days late at 7:30 AM and act like YOU'RE the problem

**Loot: **₪80-250 monthly for internet that's "up to" 100 Mbps (actual speed: 12 Mbps during peak hours).

**Achievement Unlocked: **"I Understood My Internet Bill (Just Kidding, No One Has Ever Achieved This)."

Boss Moves:

ï           12-36 month contracts with early cancellation fees that cost more than the GDP of a small nation

ï           Year 1: "Special price!" Year 2: Price doubles and they act shocked you're upset

ï           Installation technicians who treat your appointment time as a mere suggestion

ï           The classic "we'll call you 30 minutes before" (they won't)

**Legendary Drop: **Fiber optic internet (if your building was built after 2015 and the developer was feeling generous)

Level 5: Gas (Gaz - גז)

Two Game Modes:

**Mode A - Piped Gas (Gaz Tivi): **For fancy new buildings. Usually handled by building management. You'll pay monthly and forget it exists until the bill comes.

**Mode B - Balloon Gas (Balon Gaz): **The classic Israeli experience.

The Quest (Balloon Version):

1.        Run out of gas mid-shower (always mid-shower, never at a convenient time)
2.        Panic
3.        Call the gas company
4.        They'll come "tomorrow between 6 AM and 9 PM"
5.        They show up at 6:03 AM while you're still in pajamas
6.        Haul a massive metal tank up your stairs (or watch a 65-year-old man do it while you feel guilty)

**Loot: **₪80-120 per tank, which lasts 2-3 months if you shower like a normal person, or 2 weeks if you have teenagers.

**Achievement Unlocked: **"I Learned to Take Cold Showers and Pretend It's Invigorating."

**Boss Move: **The delivery guy will judge your apartment's cleanliness as he walks through it. This is unavoidable.

Side Quests

Building Management (Vaad Habayit - הבית ועד)

**The Mini-Boss: **Your building's committee, run by that one retired guy who treats it like he's managing the Pentagon.

**What they want: **₪100-500 monthly for building maintenance, which may or may not actually happen.

**The Drama: **Attending a vaad habayit meeting is like watching a reality show where everyone is passive-aggressive and the main plot is whether to repaint the stairwell or fix the elevator (spoiler: neither will happen).

**Achievement Unlocked: **"I Paid My Vaad Habayit Fees and the Light in the Stairwell Still Doesn't Work."

TV License (Agrat Televizia)

**The Ghost Boss: **Technically exists. Practically ignored by everyone. It's like the appendix of Israeli bureaucracy - no one knows why it's still there.

**What they want: **₪350 annually if you own a TV.

**Reality: **Most people treat this like a suggestion. The enforcement is about as common as snow in Eilat.

**Achievement Unlocked: **"I Didn't Pay and Nothing Happened (Yet)."

Pro Gamer Strategies

**Strategy 1: Time Travel **Everything takes 2-3 times longer than promised. Add two weeks to any estimate. Your internet installation "next Tuesday"? It's actually arriving in the month of "Eventually."

**Strategy 2: Face-to-Face Combat **Phone customer service = 1 hour hold time, 3 transfers, disconnection, starting over. Physical office = Still awful but at least you can make eye contact with your oppressor.

**Strategy 3: Documentation Hoarding **Write down everything. Representative's name. Time. Date. What you ate for breakfast. Get confirmation numbers for your confirmation numbers. Screenshot everything. This is your evidence for the inevitable dispute.

**Strategy 4: The Hebrew Advantage **Speak Hebrew or bring a Hebrew-speaking friend. English support exists, but it's like playing on hard mode.

**Strategy 5: Shabbat Awareness **Friday = Everything closes at 1 PM and everyone is already mentally at the beach. Saturday = Closed. Sunday = Back to regular chaos. Plan accordingly.

**Strategy 6: The Facebook Oracle **Join local neighborhood Facebook groups. This is where you'll find the WhatsApp number of the one customer service rep who actually helps, learn which companies are terrible this week (all of them), and bond over shared suffering.

**Strategy 7: Auto-Pay Everything **Set up direct debit (Hora'at Keva) for every utility. Yes, they'll take your money automatically. But at least you won't get late fees for bills you never received because Israeli mail delivery is its own adventure.

Common Glitches and How to Survive Them

**Glitch: **Bills keep arriving for the previous tenant who left for Berlin six months ago.

**Patch: **Keep all transfer confirmation numbers. Forward the bills. Eventually everyone gives up and the system corrects itself. Or doesn't. It's a coin flip.

**Glitch: **You're charged three deposits for the same service.

**Patch: **Welcome to Israel! Track every shekel. Request refunds in writing. Follow up weekly. This is your job now.

**Glitch: **Installation appointments that exist in a quantum state of maybe-happening.

**Patch: **Confirm 24 hours before. Call when they're late. Complain loudly. Document everything. Accept that some installations require 2-3 attempts because the technician forgot the equipment/got lost/decided today wasn't the day.

**Glitch: **Every rep tells you something different.

**Patch: **Get it in writing. Email or fax (yes, FAX - it's 2025 and Israeli bureaucracy is still faxing like it's 1985). If they won't put it in writing, it's probably not true.

**Glitch: **The system says you don't exist.

**Patch: **Bring more paperwork. You can never have enough paperwork. Three copies minimum. Maybe four. Why not five? Live a little.

Your Move-In Speed Run

2-3 Weeks Before (Optimistic Phase):

ï           Research providers

ï           Make lists

ï           Feel organized

ï           Believe this will go smoothly

Move-In Week (Reality Sets In):

ï           Transfer electricity (spend 2 hours on hold)

ï           Start water transfer (get sent to three different offices)

ï           Register for arnona (take half day off work for this)

ï           Contact vaad habayit (meet the most opinionated person in your building)

ï           Schedule internet (get appointment for three weeks from now)

Week 2-4 (Acceptance Stage):

ï           Chase up everyone

ï           Resend the same documents you already sent

ï           Use your cellphone as a hotspot because internet still isn't working

ï           Question your life choices

ï           Eat falafel to feel better

Month 2 (Enlightenment):

ï           Most things are finally working

ï           Bills start arriving (mostly in the right name)

ï           You've achieved inner peace or given up - it's hard to tell the difference

ï           You start giving advice to new immigrants like you're a wise sage

The Sacred Truth

Every Israeli has been through this. Every expat has survived this. You are not alone. There are support groups (they're called "literally any café in Israel where people are complaining about utility companies").

The system is improving! Slowly! Some companies have apps now! Some even work! It only took them until the smartphone era to discover that people like doing things online!

Remember: In a country where "regelach" (little legs) is slang for bureaucratic errands, this is basically a national sport. You're not running errands - you're training for the Israeli Bureaucracy Olympics.

Final Boss Tips

Once everything is set up, store all your account numbers, customer service contacts, and that one rep's WhatsApp who was actually helpful in a sacred document. Laminate it. Protect it with your life. Future you will thank present you when it's time to move again.

And when someone asks "How was setting up your utilities?" just smile mysteriously and say "It built character" while your eye twitches slightly.

**Ultimate Achievement Unlocked: **"I Set Up All My Israeli Utilities and Only Cried Twice."

Welcome to Israel. The utilities may be chaotic, but the hummus is good and the people are warm. You've got this. Probably. Eventually.

Now go forth, brave warrior. May your installation appointments actually happen, may your bills be accurate, and may you never hear "Lo efshar" again (you will, constantly, but we can dream).

B'hatzlacha (good luck) - you're going to need it!

Updated on: 02/02/2026